Loos from around the world

By Eamonn Ryan

Some time back, a city bank put up a highly politically incorrect sign in its staff lavatory, urging foreign staff to, among other things, refrain from balancing on the seat squat-style (and risking either falling off or destroying a perfectly good toilet; to operate the flush mechanism with their hand (“and not your foot”); and reassuring users that good old British plumbing was more than up to the challenge of a few scraps of toilet paper. 

Plumbing Africa decided to evaluate traditional toilet styles, and came to the conclusion that South Africa toilets are best: Plumbing Africa decided to evaluate traditional toilet styles, and came to the conclusion that South Africa toilets are best: 

Here’s our evaluation of some of the loos around the world:

1. The French toilette: For the benefit of those fortunate enough to have never had to deal with this tragic miscarriage of plumbing design, a squat toilet is not so much a toilet as a target. It consists of a thick, contoured ceramic slab, usually about one metre square, installed flush with the floor, incorporating a drain hole in the back and two raised platforms where you’re supposed to put your feet. Squat toilets are a common sight in Asia, Africa, the Middle East and parts of South America, and even the less civilized pockets of Europe. It was obviously not invented by a plumber, but no one wants to take credit for the thing.
2. Japan: This 80-plus-year-old lavatory consists of a single toilet installed in one corner of a 7.4m² room. It is tucked away in the Hyakudan Kaidan (100-Step Staircase) pavilion, which is only opened to the public when events are being held there. According to the hotel staff, it was probably designed for use by brides who needed an attendant to hold up the trailing wedding gown.
3. The African long-drop: When it comes to using a long-drop toilet, there are two rules: Rule one has to do with timing. As far as possible, use it early in the day especially if one is ‘nasally challenged’. This is even more the case in warmer climates. The hotter the day and the more uses the long drop has had, the more challenging it becomes. Rule two is – never, ever look down. 
4. Egyptian: This is a limestone Egyptian toilet seat from el-Amarna, Egypt. It dates to the 18th dynasty of Egypt’s New Kingdom during the reign of Pharaoh Akhenaten in the 14th century BCE. This object today forms part of the permanent collection of the Cairo Museum of Egypt. This photo was taken at the King Tut exhibition at the Pacific Science Center in Seattle, Washington State, US.
5. Papua: This toilet in Papua New Guinea was actually funded by the Australian government. 
6. Antartica: The polar caps introduce an entirely novel factor in the business of toilets. Because number twos take a little more time to complete than number ones, this increases the risk of one’s derriere sticking to the frozen seat. Good poo buckets will have a nice wooden seat to perch on. It’s not exactly warm, but it’s not freezing. These toilets also have a Golden Rule: Don’t linger a moment longer than you absolutely need to.
7. South Africa: This state-of-the-art toilet is profiled in this month’s Project (page 30). It is with toilets such as this that one wins Rugby World Cups! 

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